life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How does one acquire holy water?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
