5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize