You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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