Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
