ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
