I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This is my gift to your gina
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize