I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
