dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
