Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
