apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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