Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
