So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
