dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
