What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
