He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize