im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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