he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize