soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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