My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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