And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
