I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
