I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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