I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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