a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
