Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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