All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
