why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
