Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize