508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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