hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Floor bacon is actually really good
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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