So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
