am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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