I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Randomize
