Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
