So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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