I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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