you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize