38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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