I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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