I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize