the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
