I can't breathe out the right side of my face
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
