Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
