My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think I just sharted jello shots
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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