are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
