Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
