Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
