You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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