my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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