but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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