I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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