there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
