My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
