from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
