in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
