i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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