How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
