Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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