can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
