It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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