Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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