grandma shit on top of the toilet
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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