I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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