real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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