Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
