Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
