I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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