i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
