based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
