i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
