i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
