No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Randomize