First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
