Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When are your genitals available?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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