dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
