the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
