I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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