you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
