True but thats because hes a fetus.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
