I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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