Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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