yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
