You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize