This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize