Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
