you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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