my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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