my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
