2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
