It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
