someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize