When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize