i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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