Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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