he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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