My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
